Debit Card? You Got It?

Little photo bomb by autocorrect

Little photo bomb by autocorrect

Two things: I hate when people STEAL! And I hate AUTOCORRECT. “How does that make you different from everyone else,” you might say. And I say, “Shut the hell up and let me finish.” (And by “you” I don’t mean you, unless you did think that -then yes- I mean you!)

I have had my debit card number stolen twice. How the hell someone did it I don’t know. The first time this happened my card, my brother Jared’s, my friend Ruth’s, and former roommate Mark’s card numbers all got stolen at the same time.

So this time (Round 2), Ruth calls and says someone in Michigan spent 150 of her U.S. dollars on God knows what.The darkest corner of my soul is full of hate for instances when people steal. So of course in the back of my mind I expect my patience to be tested in this, so I lie to myself, “Oh I’m not angry. Upset: sure. But my blood most definitely isn’t boiling.” And then I decide to check my card online, and BAM. Someone who is unfortunately not Melissa McCarthy stole my debit card and went to Arby’s twice, which at least could have been something better like Wendy’s or Chick-fil-a.

Side note: The last person who stole my card tried to make a $250 purchase at Office Depot…so people with no taste (both in food and stores) love to steal my card. If it would have been somewhere like H&M or Urban Outfitters I might have cut them some slack. In fact, I would probably be jealous of how much more fun they were having spending my money.

So here’s to you “person in Sterling, Michigan.” I hope you know you failed, and I emptied the money from my card down to the penny. And just so you know, I’m unemployed so you suck at picking people’s cards to steal. I’m gonna call that a check-mate.

P.S. I hope you go to Arby’s and are humiliated (If you have feelings) when you can’t pay for a huge order of roast beef sandwiches, curly fries, and maybe some apple tarts.


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